Cuban Coffee Queen: Keeping the True Essence of Key West Alive

Key West prior to eight in the morning is a very different place than Key West at night.  Key West at night is what draws the twenty-somethings to visit.  Key West in the morning is what makes the locals stay.  

The best embodiment of the ideal Key West morning resides near the historic seaport.  Cuban Coffee Queen resides in what was probably a shed back in the day, most of a us have seen bedrooms bigger.  The eight-man line leading up to the window and the six people waiting to the side prove that you cannot judge a book by its cover.  

I have come to notice that lines in coffee shops are usually the unhappiest places on earth: all the caffiene addicts miserable while they await their first fix.  This makes Cuban Coffee Queen all the more unique because everyone from the staff to the patrons are smiling and friendly.  Conversations are struck up between strangers, the early gym-goers stretch out together, tourists inquire about the menu and the locals offer an answer: this is the community people expect from good ol’ Paradise.  

The wait is surprisingly short considering the large amount of people and the small amount of kitchen.  In the meantime, the latin music blends nicely with the nearby windchimes and a staff member brings out treats for the dogs, who have all been here enough times to expect the tasty morsel.  

Names are called out left and right, then finally mine.  An Energy Blast smoothie, full of berries, bananas, yogurt, apple juice, brown rice protein, Maca root powder and cacao powder, followed by a Key Wester, two eggs, American cheese, and bacon pressed on Cuban Bread.  It’s a simple breakfast that starts the day off so much brighter.  

I’m sure I’ll call later in the day for a delivery of a cafe con leche and Cuban bagel for lunch.  (Never heard of a Cuban Bagel?  You’re missing out.)  If you feel like channeling your inner Hemingway and writing, say, a food blog, well you can do that on one of the benches nearby thanks to the free wi-fi.  

Put the Z's back in Pizza

Key West offers the requisite Dominos, Pizza Hut, and Papa Johns, but there is far better pizza to be had.
Mr. Z's is probably one of the smallest restaurants I've ever been in.  Seating usually isn't an issue, unless you're in there at 3AM when all of the patrons of Sloppy Joes and Ricks come to do the post-drinking let's-sober-up pizza run.  The pizza is simple, delicious, and I'd do any number of bad things for the recipe.  Cheese and pepperoni by the slice, or order a whole pie (I suggest the tomato pie.... 'Tis delish.).  You know they don't cut corners and give you diet crap pizza.  Ooooh no.  Good, cheesey, greasey pizza that makes my stomach sing and my heart squeeze (and not because of blocked aortas).  This pizza is the perfect end to a night on Duval; just ask the people in the line out the door after midnight.
Now, their pizza is good.  But here's where they destroy the pizza chains trying to sell their oven-baked sandwiches: Philly Cheese Steak.  This is no frozen sandwich they popped in an oven. Nor is this wannabe Philly Cheesies.  This is as Philly as Rocky Balboa.  There has got to be some magic extra ingredient put into this bad boy, because it'll heal any hangover and even help the room stop spinning if the liquor still has you in its grasp.
Don't forget to top off your meal with an order of cheese fries.  Outback Steakhouse style cheese fries can go the wayside for these.  Simple, yet delicious, you can grab a bag full of fries and a container of their melted cheese sauce and enjoy the last few minutes of your healthy cholesterol levels.  In fact, this cheese sauce has a disturbing number of patrons stating their desire to marry it.  Think that's overstating it?  Go try them and understand the love.
You can sample the joys of Philly in not one but two locations in Key West.  The original Mr. Z's is located just off Duval at 501 Southard Street.  If you're in New Town and want to stop by after stocking up at Winn Dixie?  Drop by their new(er) location at 2798 N Roosevelt Boulevard.  Both locations offer delivery as well.
Go ahead.  Check them out online as well.

It Very Nearly is "Better Than Sex"

Textbook romance: mood lighting, chandeliers, candles, cushy leather and velvet chairs, booths for getting even more intimate, couples games on the tables, delectable desserts that are perfect for sharing... This is what you get at the one and only Bettter than Sex restaurant in downtown Key West.  Nestled away just off Duval on Truman Avenue, the seahorse stained glass doors invite you into the sensual world of desserts provided by this unique eatery.

Once inside, treat yourself to the signature Choco-Cab, a glass of Mad Housewife Cabernet with a semi-sweet chocolate "rim-job" or Kelly's Klimax, sparkling red moscato in a champagne flute with a delectable rim of white chocolate.  The "rim-jobs" are great in two ways.  First off is the flavor; the chocolate sets off the Cabernet perfectly while the white rim on the Kelly's Klimax turns a dessert wine into something even better.  Then you have the flirt factor.  This place is designed for adult couples, and with a name like Better than Sex, you know what most people are thinking (hoping) will be the ultimate dessert.  The rims provide the perfect flirtation tool: what guy isn't turned on by seeing their date lick a bit of chocolate off her finger?  Have fun with it!  This is the perfect location to test out feminine wiles.  For the manly man that isn't a fan of wines, BTS also offers a selection of beers, some of which come with their own rims like the Adult Apple with its apple kissed ale in a caramel rimmed glass.

Then, the real reason for visiting arrives: the desserts.  The only question now is which delectable dessert are you going to try?
*The winner of the Master Chef 2010, Between My Red Velvet Sheets' Cheesecake takes 8-9 hours to make (our fabulous waitress gave an exact number, but I was too busy licking my lips at the thought of this dish to hear the exact amount of time) and is simply mouth watering.  Light, fluffy, tasty, and everything else a good cheesecake should be: this slice has it.  Don't even get me started on the chocolate cookie dough crust... It is simply sensational.
*The Missionary Crisp is anything but the vanilla style this position brings to mind.  Red Delicious Apples cooked just right with the most buttery "crisp" topping this critic has ever had.  Crisp is certainly not the word I'd use, however.  The topping is almost like a crumbled cake and is just delectable.  It very nearly melts in your mouth and will have you begging for more.
*Finally, we have the Team Cream.  A new take on an old favorite: creme brulee without the crispy sugary topping.  Now, now, don't go mourning the loss of the classic topping for the mastermind in the kitchen has replaced the usual crackling coating of torched sugar with her own soft caramel.  I use the word "caramel" with hesitation because the flavor and consistency couldn't be farther from those little caramel squares in the cellophane.  This caramel is buttery, anything but sticky, and simply delicious.  Paired with light orange-blossom shortbread and you've got a winning combo.  The head baker/owner, Dani, does try and keep tradition alive by adding torched sugar pieces, but instead of torching the sugar on the smooth vanilla creme, she uses the cracked sugar pieces as a garnish and pokes them into the Team Cream.  A long time favorite which I will continue to sample time and time again.  In a word?  Foodgasmic.

When there is nothing but crumbs and glasses with licked off rims, stomachs are full, hearts are happy, and souls are satisfied.  With an incredible staff, sinfully delicious desserts, and a feeling of romance that seems to have been lost in the last few decades, Better than Sex provides a dining experience unlike any other in the city.  The husband-wife duo who own this oasis of romance provide a friendly atmosphere and incredible food while the staff, like waitresses Kelly and Michelle, add to the experience by asking you to "moan" if you need anything and exclaiming over the first time "virgins" in the group.  Altogether a wonderful experience that I will be sure to repeat time and time again.

Be sure to check out the Better than Sex menu as well as the Better Than Sex Facebook Page.

Introduction, Blah Blah Blah

Having grown up in Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville, I've seen a lot of tourists, and locals for that matter, eating at all of these chain restaurants that all serve the same kind of food, have the same kind of atmosphere, and offer the same amount of exposure to Conch Culture (the amount being exactly zero).  So I've decided to tell the world (or my rather meager number of followers) about the restaurants you don't experience outside of Key West, and why you should experience them while you are here.  Desserts, sushi, Cuban food, Thai food, seafood, tapas, pizza, burgers, wraps..... It's all about to be exposed.